


i was made for loving you

by flytothesKAI



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Fluff, Hurt and comfort, Language of Flowers, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Whipped Jongin, basically fluff, chanbaek as side pair, cheesy jongin, cliche stuff lmao, florist kyungsoo, it's not really sad istg, lawyer jongin, medical student kyungsoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 07:54:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17117438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flytothesKAI/pseuds/flytothesKAI
Summary: kyungsoo teaches jongin a lot. one of them is how to love.





	i was made for loving you

**Author's Note:**

> written for song for you fic fest  
> prompt - SFY410 (self-prompt)  
> based on Anuar Zain's Ajari Aku  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFuOODU4p1E

_To see a World in a Grain of Sand_  
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,  
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand  
And Eternity in an hour. 

The sky was dark.

He looked up and saw heavy grey clouds were moving towards him. A cold water droplet hit his face. He flinched and shut his eyes for a second. The moment he opened his eyes he saw people bustling around him, running for cover and opening their umbrellas in hurry.

There were two girls under an umbrella with big smile on their face, an exhausted man in black blazer and a briefcase in his hand and an old lady who was carrying a basket of fruits. They rushed to find shelter, to protect them from the downpour. The sight intrigued him.

The clouds didn’t stop spitting their beads of water and he didn’t bother to avoid them. His hair was wet, water trickling down his face and white shirt stuck to his skin. Ears buzzed with the sound of the rain hitting the pavement but he didn’t budge.

He fixed his gaze to the front and there he was, finally, at the other side of road, waiting for him with a wave of his hand.

And that was the moment he knew, he’s exactly where he wanted to be.

_“Hello, Jongin!”_

∞

 

**Day 1**

The bell chimed softly the moment Jongin pushed the door. Sweet scents infiltrated his nose almost immediately. The lawyer stepped towards the counter carefully as to not knock off the racks filled with potted cactuses, his eyes roaming around the shop and silently admiring the various flowers displayed on the shelves.

He honestly didn’t want to spend much time in this place. He was tired after handling a complicated case and what he needed right now was a warm bubble bath, not to be wandering around the flower shop, looking for a bouquet for his asshole friend.

Jongin had to admit that it was not nice of him to say that to Sehun who got admitted to hospital for food poisoning, but it was his own fault for playing truth or dare with Yixing and eating a bowl of molten cheese, refusing to back out because of his ego while the choreographer recorded the scene to post it on his Instagram.

Jongin shook his head in regret for his choice of friends.

“Hello, welcome to Dandanie Blooms. May I help you?”

Jongin turned his head at the voice and his heart skipped a beat when his eyes met with the man in front of him. Suddenly he didn’t mind spending time in here.

The man bowed a little and flashed a warm smile, patiently waiting for the customer’s request. Jongin, flustered, nodded his head slightly.

He gulped, “I’m looking for a bouquet.” The man looked at him expectantly and Jongin had to shift his eyes elsewhere before he melted into a puddle of goo. “Kind of a ‘get well soon’ bouquet?” He caught a glimpse of the florist’s name tag; Kyungsoo with a smiley face at the end of the name, “Can you recommend me a few, Kyungsoo?”

He liked how his tongue rolled when he said the name. Kyungsoo was taken aback when the man in glasses said his name so easily on their first encounter but then smiled and led him to the back of the shop.

“If you’re looking for a simple bouquet I would recommend this,” Kyungsoo showed him a small hydrangea bouquet; tiny purple, pink and peach coloured flowers bundled in a pair of hands. “Or if you want to wish them a fast recovery wordlessly you can give them daisies.” Kyungsoo pulled out a few stalks of fresh cut daisies and beamed at Jongin.

Jongin was petrified. Was it too much for him to claim that this was the sweetest smile he had ever seen?

“Daisies are nice. I’ll take them.”

Kyungsoo took a few more daisies and brought them to the counter before starting to wrap them. Jongin eyed the man’s skilful hands in silent.

“Is this for a girlfriend?” Kyungsoo asked cheerfully but then realised he was interfering with his customer’s privacy. “Oh no, that was insensitive. I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that.” His ears were red.

“No, this is for my friend.” Jongin rubbed the back of his head and smiled bashfully, “just thinking I should surprise him today.” He put on his angelic smile and nodded solemnly. Great acting as expected from a lawyer. 

Kyungsoo looked up to stare at Jongin fondly. “You’re a good friend. Also, tell him I hope he'll get well soon too.” He gave Jongin a soft smile and went back to finish the order.

“Thank you for purchasing, Mr Kim,” Kyungsoo handed Jongin his credit card back and Jongin swore when he took his card and their fingers brushed he felt a jolt of electricity running through him. By the surprised look on Kyungsoo’s face, he suspected the other experienced it too.

“Just… call me Jongin.” Jongin watched as Kyungsoo’s face morphed into a more comfortable expression.

Kyungsoo was all heart-shaped smile and crescent shaped eyes as he whispered, “Sure, Jongin.”

Jongin felt his stomach do gracious back flips and he wasn't lying when he said the inside of his stomach fluttered.

What was happening?

**Day 10**

After a week of drowning in law cases and legal reports, Jongin went to the flower shop again to see the cute florist. He glanced at the watch on his left wrist; just in time for lunch break. Thinking he could ask the boy out for lunch, Jongin stepped into the shop with a huge grin.

The first thing he did was scanning the counter area for Kyungsoo. But it wasn't him waiting at the counter like usual. Instead, a woman with a kind smile greeted him politely.

Jongin cleared his throat. “Is Kyungsoo working here today?”

The girl gave him a knowing smirk that made Jongin hot under his collars and pointed at the back of the shop with her thumb. “He’s in the garden.”

Jongin thanked him and the lady winked. He shuddered.

“Oh”

His lips twitched into a grin when he heard that voice.

“Hello, Jongin!” Kyungsoo exclaimed when he noticed Jongin approaching him. His tired face lighted up between the tall stems of sunflowers. The florist wiped the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand and got up. Jongin’s heart almost burst out of his chest knowing Kyungsoo recognized him.

Kyungsoo walked towards Jongin and held out his hand, but upon realizing his hands were covered in dirt, he settled for a quick bow.

Kyungsoo’s cheeks reddened and Jongin wanted to pinch them badly.

“Hey,” he greeted awkwardly, “you busy?” Jongin felt like slapping himself hard after uttering that. It wasn't a smart question to ask to someone who was clearly working during his shift.

Kyungsoo laughed and went to the sink to wash his hands with Jongin trailing behind him quietly, still cursing his own existence in silent. “Not really. We've had much worse,” he jutted his lips at the lady at the counter pretending she wasn't eavesdropping on their conversation; “also, my sister comes to help me sometimes.”

Kyungsoo added with a sinister smile, “She was kind enough to lend a hand today.”

Jongin nodded. She seemed to recognize Jongin almost immediately. Suddenly he felt giddy; what if Kyungsoo talked about him with his sister? Jongin almost squealed. He was one step closer to being the woman’s brother in law.

“So how can I help you today?” Kyungsoo turned to Jongin after drying his hands, ready for Jongin’s order. Jongin gulped, mind racing with ideas of him asking Kyungsoo out. Just ask him, oh my god grow some balls and ask!

Jongin gripped the sides of his black slacks unconsciously and licked his lips nervously. His heart thumped loudly and he shut his eyes, gathering the courage to open his mouth and utter the goddamn question. Shit, this is harder than asking permission from the judge in the court! He thought bitterly.

“Kyungsoo,” he started, “can I ask you out for lunch?” Jongin was dripping with cold sweat by now and a part of him was glad he didn’t stutter. His lips tugged into a poor attempt of a smile in order not to look too desperate.

The florist’s facial expression changed and Jongin saw it happen in slow motion. His eyes widened and the smile on his face dropped slowly. Oh no, did he cross a line between them? Was him being too fast and too forward? Jongin felt the dread and how pathetic he would look like if Kyungsoo rejected him or even worse, Kyungsoo was already in a relationship. Shit, he didn’t want to be anyone’s homewrecker.

Kyungsoo looked down and Jongin prepared his heart not to get hurt if Kyungsoo declined his offer. But then Jongin heard a woman shouting from the shop counter, “Say yes, Kyungsoo! You’ve been waiting for this, right?”

“Noona!” Jongin was amused while Kyungsoo groaned and threatened to fling bottle of pesticide at his sister. “You had one job, Yoona Noona.” Yoona cackled and busied herself with customers who had just arrived.

Kyungsoo’s ears were red when he shyly nodded, “Yeah, sure, let’s go now,” he almost choked out, “Jongin.”

Jongin chuckled at the adorable act and led him out of the shop. Kyungsoo didn’t forget to flip his sister off, thinking Jongin didn’t see it.

*

Jongin threw his briefcase on the couch and plopped down next to it with a long sigh. The day had been tiring but at least he had scored a date with the florist and gotten his number. Wow, did he save the country in his past life to be living like this?

The lunch (date) went great and smoothly. Jongin let Kyungsoo choose his favourite restaurant and the man eagerly dragged him to a pasta restaurant a block away from the flower shop. Kyungsoo was also the one who recommended the restaurant’s trademark dish, kimchi spaghetti, to him.

Honestly Jongin would've eaten anything at that moment due to the hunger he felt after squeezing his brain in court but he still appreciated Kyungsoo’s effort and even ordered a second plate to Kyungsoo’s surprise.

Jongin deadpanned. If he thought about it now he looked like a glutton on his first date with Kyungsoo.

He also got to know more about him, more than just Kyungsoo the florist. His name was Do Kyungsoo and he had an older sister (their unofficial wingman). Kyungsoo also revealed he just finished his medical training and was now waiting for the hospital to call him for an internship and Jongin almost shed a tear at how amazing his crush (and future boyfriend, hopefully) was. Jongin also remembered trivial facts about Kyungsoo like how he preferred spring over autumn, the fact that his favourite ice cream was strawberry flavoured, and that he wanted to have cats as pets to accompany him.

When it was Jongin’s turn to speak about himself, he just mindlessly said he’s a 2 year-old lawyer with a love-hate relationship with his job because lawyers were supposed to be stereotypically calm and stoic which was the complete opposite of his personality. Kyungsoo stared at him like he was some kind of superhero and smiled dreamily when Jongin stated how uninteresting it was to fight for his client in court.

“It takes someone with a lot of courage to speak confidently like you, and you don’t have to fit into the stereotype. I wish I could be like you.” Kyungsoo expressed his amazement honestly and Jongin wanted nothing more than to say “objection” but instead he flashed a smile and joked, “Sure you can, but you must pay me.”

After all, advises were free unless you’re a lawyer.

Kyungsoo laughed, his heart-shaped mouth curling so adorably that Jongin really wished to capture it with his phone camera and set it as his lockscreen and phone background. “And what’s the price, Mr Lawyer?” Kyungsoo winked before looking down at his plate and missed the way Jongin placed his hand on his chest to stop his heart from escaping his ribcage.

“Hmm, another lunch with me would suffice, Mr Florist.”

Kyungsoo looked up and to Jongin disbelief he just nodded without thinking twice. He even gave Jongin his number so Jongin could send him a text to schedule their next date.

Next date… Jongin’s subconscious wiggled in happiness at the thought.

And now here Jongin was, still in his work outfit and smelly socks, snuggling on the couch with his phone in his hands. His thumb hovered on the 'Mr Dandanie Florist :)' contact, tempted to send Kyungsoo a good night message and give the other a good impression of him.

But Jongin dismissed the idea, thinking Kyungsoo might be too tired to even check his phone after coming home from work. Jongin groaned and left his phone on the coffee table before dragging himself to the bathroom.

Unbeknownst to him, Kyungsoo was laying on the bed, anticipating a text from a certain Mr Lawyer.

**Day 15**

Jongin had developed a new routine.

He would go to the flower shop during his lunch break to pick Kyungsoo up, they would have lunch and a hearty conversation together, then Jongin dropped Kyungsoo off at the shop, and made some excuses like he needed to buy a bouquet for a friend just to see Kyungsoo’s skilled hands in action.

“It’s fine if you can’t come tomorrow,” Kyungsoo smiled understandingly while placing the fresh camellia on the brown wrapper, “just make sure to win that case.”

Jongin put his hands in his pockets and pouted, “But I’m going to miss you badly.” Oh wow Jongin, he’s not even your boyfriend and now you’re being clingy. Jongin coughed out of embarrassment when Yoona came out of the door behind Kyungsoo, clearing her throat.

Kyungsoo finished wrapping and handed the bouquet to Jongin. He seemed hesitant before retrieving two stalks of yellow daffodils from his apron and giving them to Jongin. Jongin eyed the bright flowers curiously.

“They’re on the house,” he said shyly, “good luck.” Kyungsoo muttered under his breath before retreating to the garden, leaving Jongin dumbfounded and Yoona whistling at the boys.

Upon arriving at his office, which at first glance resembled a garden with the abundance of flowers of various kinds and colours, he told Seulgi, his secretary, to find a vase for the red camellia while keeping the daffodils on his desk.

Sehun came unannounced per usual that day. He looked around and huffed. “Okay flower boy you better give me an update about your love life.”

“We’re doing well. He gave me free flowers today.” Jongin said mindlessly, his gaze fixed on the lovely pair of daffodils, from their vibrant petals to the thin white ribbon tied around their stems. They looked mesmerizing, like the way Kyungsoo’s face scrunched in delight when they talked.

Sehun wanted to rile his friend up, “Maybe he thinks you as a charity case.”

Jongin whacked him in the head and ignored Sehun’s whine to admire the gift from Kyungsoo.

“There must be a meaning to this.” Sehun added, trying to be helpful for once. “You know florists and their knowledge on the meaning of flowers. Cliché romantic story.” He held his throbbing head and left for the pantry to get ice.

Jongin rolled his eyes at that but decided it wouldn't hurt to check whether it was true or not, so he googled the meaning of yellow daffodil and came across an interesting fact.

Yellow daffodil: to represent new beginnings, and referred to as a lucky symbol of future success.

Perhaps Sehun was right. Perhaps Kyungsoo cared about him.

Perhaps he fell in love with Kyungsoo.

*

Jongin was looking forward to the next ‘message’ Kyungsoo would send him, so he kept ordering flowers from the shop almost every day, giving Seulgi a headache to find more vases and empty space in the office to allocate the flowers that kept multiplying.

When Kyungsoo noticed Jongin was under the weather he slipped a stalk of blue salvia (“represents wisdom, a long life and good health”). When Jongin expressed his frustration about his dumb boss and dumber clients Kyungsoo hushed him with a handful of sweet alyssum (“a great option for those who are a little down in the dumps and require an instant pick-me-up!”). When Jongin whined about how challenging his assignment was on that week Kyungsoo just smiled and presented him a garland of angelica (“to encourage feelings of creativeness”).

This made Jongin wondered what flower he would receive if he confessed his feelings to Kyungsoo.

**Day 31**

“Hey, Kyungsoo. Sorry for calling you now but can you send a bouquet of red roses to my firm?”

“Sure, Jongin.”

“Also please attach a message along with the bouquet. A simple ‘can you be my boyfriend?’ would do.”

“…”

“I’ll text you the address. Thanks Kyungsoo!”

Jongin turned to Sehun who was busy with a game on his phone. “Am I doing the right thing?”

Sehun shrugged. Jongin was so close to kicking the man out of his office but a message from Kyungsoo stopped him.

I’m here. Should I just leave this at the reception?

Can you send it to me directly? I’m on the fifth floor.

Shit, he felt like an ass for ordering Kyungsoo around like that. It was not his intention. Jongin had a plan (although he wasn’t quite sure now). He scratched his head. Did he screw his chance up already?

The elevator doors opened and revealed a very grumpy Kyungsoo. He wanted to coo because Kyungsoo looked so adorable and cute like an angry penguin, but Jongin didn’t expect Kyungsoo to practically shove the bouquet on his chest. The force made his glasses almost slipped.

“Happy now? You’re playing with my feelings and you even have the nerve to humiliate me.” Kyungsoo attacked him with words that felt like getting shot with deadly bullets. The boy huffed at Jongin angrily.

Jongin stuttered, “I just wanted to surprise you.” Oh I really fucked up didn't I; he thought as he fixed his glasses in a hurry and stood awkwardly in front of the shorter guy.

“Well thank you Kim Jongin, I am so surprised. Now go and give that to your boyfriend that you like so much.” Kyungsoo crossed his arms and turned around, refusing to look at Jongin no matter what, even when Jongin burst into a fit of laughter when he discovered what made Kyungsoo so mad.

“Okay.” Jongin agreed simply before hugging Kyungsoo from behind and presenting him the bouquet. Jongin's heart thrummed violently against his chest as he murmured, “Surprise, this is for you,” into Kyungsoo’s reddening ears.

“Why me?” Kyungsoo spoke in a whisper shakily.

“There’s no other person who can have this position. So, can you be my boyfriend?”

Kyungsoo turned around and Jongin could see his teary eyes. He punched Jongin’s chest playfully and pulled him into his embrace. “Idiot.” Jongin’s heart was warm when Kyungsoo tip-toed to kiss him.

The single tulip in Kyungsoo’s hand dropped and left forgotten when Jongin held Kyungsoo closer and returned the kiss like it was the only thing he had ever waited for.

Kyungsoo’s love wasn’t unrequited.

**Day 40**

Nothing much changed after that eventful day; except Jongin, who started using cheesy pickup lines on Kyungsoo.

Like today, before breakfast, when he didn’t forget to send Kyungsoo ‘good morning beautiful I bet you’d be guilty of being criminally gorgeous <3’, receiving a few minutes later ‘just tell me you want a selca of me’ and a picture of Kyungsoo with his messy bed hair and droopy eyes. Jongin’s thumb grazed over Kyungsoo’s lovely smile and he felt butterflies swarming madly inside of him.

Jongin replied with ‘if loving you is a crime, then I’m looking at a life sentence’ and a lovestruck emoticon before driving to his office with a dumb grin plastered on his face, proud of his flirting skill. 

Kyungsoo sent him back a meme. Oh, how cute.

Now that he thought about it, falling in love with Kyungsoo made him do many stupid things he would never have done before meeting the florist. Like the day before, when he hummed Beautiful by Crush while typing on his report, earning concerned glances from his colleagues because who the fuck would hum a love song while working on legal documents? He also developed a habit dancing in the shower, especially to Call Me Baby, a song by his favourite group EXO, and now he cringed when he reminded himself of it. That was so not him.

Love really made him do a lot of stupid things.

He didn’t realise he still had that dreamy look plastered on his face when he got into his office. He felt like bouncing on clouds and suddenly spring had come much sooner because his cubicle was filled with flowers blooming beautifully.

Kyungsoo had such an impact on him. This was clearly big Kyungsoo energy.

“Dude you alright?” Jongdae scanned him up and down with worry in his eyes. The accountant seemed to think Jongin had caught a delirious fever or probably a serious hangover.

“I’m ready to win a war today.” He puffed his chest and tapped on it twice with his fist. Jongdae cocked his eyebrow and went back to his paper work with a sigh. He had no time to deal with Jongin’s bullshit so early in the morning anyway.

Jongin opened his conversation with Kyungsoo and once again admired the selca he got that morning. He giggled, thanking god, heaven and his ancestors for such luck in life. Jongin craned his neck to make sure his boss was not around before typing a text to Kyungsoo.

I miss you!

“Kim Jongin! Meeting in room 3 in 10 minutes.” Minseok reminded him as he walked past Jongin. The lovesick boy groaned and after gathering the documents he rushed to the room and ignored the notification sound he received.

Only when he was settled in his seat and waiting for his colleagues to come for the meeting did he get the opportunity to check Kyungsoo’s reply. A picture was attached and Jongin tapped on it curiously. It was a beautiful bouquet of flowers with red, pink and white petals he had never seen before, held by a blushing Kyungsoo. Jongin bit the inside of his cheek not to giggle at how adorable Kyungsoo was. A second reply came: stargazer lilies.

“Mr Kim.”

Jongin whipped his head at the deep voice so fast he might had snapped his neck and he really wished he had broken his neck when he saw his boss glaring at him. Jongin smiled weakly and kept his phone in his pocket thus forgetting to search Kyungsoo’s underlying message.

But Jongin knew Kyungsoo missed him too.

Butterflies were swarming in his stomach madly just at the thought of Kyungsoo and Jongin was fine with that.

Everything was fine.

**Day 50**

Everything was not fine. 

Time passed and with the sudden influx of work with the bar council and never ending clients, Jongin found him drowning in work and had no time to think of anything else. He only realized he had stopped meeting and contacting Kyungsoo more than a week when he scrolled past his phone gallery before going to sleep.

There it was; a folder full of their selcas and photos of Kyungsoo titled ‘mon amour’ because he was cheesy as fuck like that.

(Kyungsoo once jokingly asked why Jongin had named the folder in French when neither of them had visited France nor spoke the language. Jongin just laughed and proceeded to kiss the top of Kyungsoo’s head to shut him up.)

He tapped on the folder and a wave of nostalgia hit him when hundreds of their photos came out. Jongin caught a glimpse of the various selcas of them and candid photos of Kyungsoo. They were smiling, laughing, and so in love with each other but why did Jongin’s chest tighten at the sight?

Jongin chose their latest photo, taken during their last date at the Han River. The photo was blurry and had a b&w filter but he still remembered that night vividly; they were meandering along the sidewalk, fingers entangled and arms swinging like little kids on a field trip. They also shared a cup of strawberry flavoured ice cream while watching the sunset, and crashed on a group of students doing busking with Jongin dancing his heart out and pulling embarrassed Kyungsoo with him.

“I’m lucky to have you,” he said under his breath, his hand on Kyungsoo’s waist and lips grazed against his ear.

Kyungsoo blushed and buried his reddened face into the crook of Jongin’s neck as they swayed to the melody that almost drowned by the cheers from a few people around them.

Then they settled on the ground, out of breath, with Kyungsoo’s back against a tree and Jongin’s head on his lap, chatting about their days, the smell of sweet pancakes and the chatter of the other couples surrounding them.

Kyungsoo was threading his fingers through Jongin’s hair when Jongin pulled out his phone and sneakily stole a shot of them. He knew Kyungsoo got shy in front of cameras and didn’t like showing affection when they took selcas. Kyungsoo didn’t have much time to react because Jongin had already tucked his phone back in his pocket and chuckled in triumph.

“You better delete that. I wasn’t ready.” Kyungsoo grumbled and tugged on Jongin’s hair playfully as revenge. “I must look ugly on it,” he added quietly but it didn’t go unnoticed by Jongin.

Jongin’s smile faltered when he heard that. He sat up right away and stared at Kyungsoo, his hands in his. “Do Kyungsoo,” the man’s pupils dilated when Jongin said his full name with such adoration, “you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,” he spoke sincerely before kissing the back of Kyungsoo’s small hand.

“But other people-“

Jongin cut him, “who cares about what they think when at the end of the day only I can see and appreciate your beauty?” he tilted his head and watched Kyungsoo avoiding his gaze and busying himself with the stray threads of his sweater, refusing to answer him. It was dark but Jongin noticed Kyungsoo biting on his lip nervously.

He knew Kyungsoo had an inferiority complex related to his appearance. While he was actually 25 years old, he looked much younger and always got mistaken as younger than Jongin. He had a few feminine traits, and although he made an effort to work under the sunlight more to get a tan, and did heavy chores to grow muscles, the difference wasn't really visible.

Jongin really wanted to tell Kyungsoo that he was fine the way he was, that Jongin didn’t mind if Kyungsoo looked younger and wished to stay like that till they grew old, that Jongin didn’t give a fuck if Kyungsoo didn’t appear as manly as people wanted him to be because damn he would love any type of Kyungsoo; manly or feminine, no matter what. In Jongin’s eyes Kyungsoo was perfect, flawless, 10 out of 10 and Jongin was glad that he was one of the few people blessed with the ability to see how handsome Kyungsoo was. He was going to use this advantage to adore and praise him like he deserved to be.

Just like this moment, when his eyes widened and cheeks flushed because Jongin kept staring at him, Jongin was so close to grab him by the shoulders and kissing him right there.

And he did exactly that. (Because what was self-control when Kyungsoo was around?)

Jongin opened his arms and Kyungsoo thought his boyfriend was going in for a hug so he scooted closer but was caught off-guard when Jongin’s hands cupped his face and his lips pressed against Jongin’s soft ones. Kyungsoo’s hand slid into Jongin’s hair slowly while the other one rested on Jongin’s shoulder comfortably.

It was only a long, deep peck but Kyungsoo was breathless when Jongin pulled away, their faces inches apart. Their noses brushed, their foreheads touched. He stared into Jongin’s soft eyes and furrowed his eyebrows. “What was that about?”

Jongin was dying to say those magical three words, the sentence that would explain his feeling at that moment, the phrase he’d been practicing letting out for only Kyungsoo to hear, that-

“Your lips are warm.” Jongin muttered against his mouth and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile into their next kisses, having had no clue Jongin wanted to say something completely different.

“God, you always make me blush so damn much.”

Jongin blinked and he was back on his bed alone, his phone in his hand and tears threatening to fall from his eyes. His heart was hollow, especially when he went through more photos in the gallery and saw Kyungsoo’s heart-shaped smile, Kyungsoo’s crinkled eyes, and Kyungsoo’s scrunched nose, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo.

That night Jongin walked on memories they created as guilt crept upon him from the inside.

**Day 51**

He drove to the flower shop with mixed feelings. Half of him was ecstatic to see Kyungsoo again after days of unintentional separation but the other half was quite worried to see Kyungsoo’s reaction when he saw him. He purposely wanted to make this a surprise visit.

Jongin dismissed the negative thought; why would he have to feel this way when neither of them had done anything wrong? Jongin was busy with work like any normal employed person would be and Kyungsoo also might have been tired after tending to the flowers in the shop.

Right?

But he didn’t expect to encounter such a shocking sight when he stepped inside the shop.

There Kyungsoo was, laughing and flirting with another man Jongin didn’t recognize.

Kyungsoo’s hands were placed on the man’s arms and it was like a déjà vu because a few months prior, Jongin had stood where the man was now standing, and Kyungsoo had given him the same smile and laughed in the same rhythm as he was now.

What was this?

What was this unexplainable feeling he got when he saw Kyungsoo with another man? Laughing because of someone who wasn't him? Flashing a bright smile at Jongin’s potential rival? Did Kyungsoo forget he had a boyfriend who only had his eyes on him? A boyfriend that was loyal to him only?

Jongin turned his back fast before his heart broke beyond repair but late enough to let Kyungsoo notice his presence.

“Excuse me, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo said and approached Jongin with hurried steps. “Jongin, wait!” Jongin balled his fists. Oh, so his name was Chanyeol. Nice, he could curse that name in his sleep tonight.

“Jongin!”

He turned a deaf ear at the pleas and got into his car, locking it before Kyungsoo could open it. Kyungsoo stared at him bewilderedly before knocking on the glass window, asking Jongin to hear him out. Jongin clenched his jaw and refused to spare Kyungsoo a glance.

What’s there to hear anymore? The trust he put on Kyungsoo crumbled and it was right for him to take a leave before he punched a certain Chanyeol who peeked through the blinds from inside the shop. He was going crazy at the thought of Chanyeol being Kyungsoo’s secret lover.

Jongin started the engine and drove away from the shop, not even halting to see Kyungsoo’s dejected and confused expression.

Jongin felt betrayed, he felt used, and he felt like total shit. Was this what they warned about the downsides of love? The dishonesty and heartbreak? Was everything they had a lie? Was Kyungsoo’s affection an act?

You’re a great actor, Do Kyungsoo.

He heard the thunder rumbled and soon enough there was tapping on the window before becoming pitter-patter of water droplets.

Jongin groaned and chose to go home instead of to his office. He couldn’t get any work done in this state anyway. He willed himself not to shed a single tear as he gripped the steering wheel harder and kept driving.

The rain beat violently on the roof of his car and he wondered if it could wash away his sadness too.

*

Jongin was on the couch, mending his broken heart with a tub of ice cream and a rerun of Running Man. Even when Kwangsoo made fun of Jaesuk, Jongin still couldn’t laugh. His chest ached after his encounter with Kyungsoo and the possible homewrecker. Jongin sighed and snuggled into his blanket more.

His phone beeped. A new message.

Let me explain

Jongin gave it a glance and ignored it. He didn’t think he could meet Kyungsoo at this moment.

Jongin I’m at your door

The lawyer bit his lip, but he was determined to not pay attention to the message. Kyungsoo didn’t knock but Jongin knew he was outside, waiting for him.

I’m staying here until you open the damn door

He snorted. Fine, Kyungsoo could be rotting out there waiting and he still wouldn't get up from his seat to open the door because he had his ego to protect and his pride on the line. Kyungsoo wouldn't understand that because he had already thrown them away when he decided to cheat on him. Jongin stubbornly fixed his eyes on the television screen and finished his ice cream.

20 minutes passed…and Jongin felt like bolting to the door and bringing Kyungsoo in. He couldn’t focus on the show, the ice cream tasted bitter on his tongue and he wasn't getting texts from Kyungsoo. A loud booming sound could be heard. What if something bad had happened to him outside the door?

Jongin spent 10 more minutes struggling with his inner conflict before taking a deep breath and walking to the door. His grip froze on the knob as he wondered how he would react if Kyungsoo had already gone home. If Kyungsoo could leave him behind his back, he could do it in front of him too.

But when Jongin opened the door, he wasn't expecting this.

Kyungsoo was on the floor, curled into a ball due to the coldness, with his phone in his hands and his eyes shut. Jongin wasted no time and rushed towards his lover. He brought his hand to cup Kyungsoo’s damp cheek.

“Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo stirred and his eyelashes fluttered at the warmth. He looked up in Jongin’s eyes sorrowfully.

“Please don’t shut me out.”

Jongin said nothing. He brought the limp boy in carefully and let him rested on the couch. Kyungsoo fisted the front of Jongin’s t-shirt tightly but Jongin pulled away and chose to sit on the floor. He switched off the television, their breath echoed in the quiet room.

“Rest.”

But Kyungsoo shook his head. “I owe you an explanation.” His voice was hoarse. Clearly Jongin wasn’t the only one who had been crying his heart out today.

“Kyungsoo I think-“

“Jongin, please hear me out.”

“I don’t need to. I trusted you and you did me wrong.” Jongin’s voice was low, hot as ice and cold as fire. “I don’t need to hear more lies from you, Do Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo gasped. “How could you…”

“How could I? How could I?” He raised his voice unintentionally, along with the loud crack of the thunder, and Kyungsoo flinched. His round eyes looked at him in fear. “Tell me who the hell that I saw today flirting with another man, huh?”

Kyungsoo let out an exasperated sigh. Both hands clasped on his temples as he shook his head. “No you listen to me, Jongin!”

Jongin inhaled sharply and ran his fingers through his hair without looking at his boyfriend. Even seeing his face made his chest ached painfully.

But he raised his head when he heard a sob.

“Chanyeol is a friend of mine and he consulted me for his wedding with his fiancé. I tried to tell you this but of course you misunderstood everything and went out without trying to listen to me.”

Kyungsoo came closer with his finger pointed at him, jabbing him hard on the chest. Jongin froze. “I called you, messaged you, heck I even slept in front of your door just so I could tell you the truth.” His chest heaved in anger and Jongin felt shittier than before. Kyungsoo’s piercing gaze stabbed him deep.

“You didn’t contact me at all last week and I thought oh maybe you needed some space, maybe you were busy, and I didn’t want to be a clingy ass boyfriend, so I let it go, yet never in my right mind thinking you were cheating on me. Don’t you think I should be mad too?”

“None of this would have happened if you trusted me, or at least give me a chance to explain everything. You’re selfish, Jongin. You’re selfish!” Kyungsoo broke down and cried. He was clearly exhausted.

It was quiet before Kyungsoo’s voice broke the silence. “Maybe we should end everything.” Kyungsoo whispered quietly.

“No, no, please don’t say that.” Jongin swallowed his pride and scooted closer to Kyungsoo. He held Kyungsoo’s hand and brought it close to his chest. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I saw you with him and I just-“ he inhaled deeply, concealing his feeling to not get emotional, “I lost control.”

“I’m hard to love. I’m insecure. I’m scared that one day you wake up and decide you don’t love me anymore. Just the thought of you with someone who isn’t me breaks me, Kyungsoo. But I promise I will love you with my whole heart and so much passion that you will forget anyone but me. I will always care for you and keep you safe in my embrace, like you deserve. I may not be good at being loved but I can assure you I’m the best at loving, especially loving you.”

Jongin stared into Kyungsoo’s teary eyes and whispered in regret, “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo was quiet and the silence was eerily uncomfortable. Only the murmurs of the rain from outside filled the room. Jongin thought maybe this was it, the ending of their story. This was the scene where Kyungsoo let go of his hand and chose to leave him. This was w-

“Do you remember,” Kyungsoo inhaled a shallow breath, “when you told me to be confident with my appearance? Our last date, Han River?”

Jongin nodded. Kyungsoo continued.

“I’m still trying. I work hard to think positively and trust your words. I never stop fighting my insecurities. You teach me to love myself more, right?” He spoke softly and took Jongin’s hand to cup his face. “Now I want you to be more confident with yourself, with my love for you and with this relationship. I want you to fight your fears, Jongin. If I say I’m yours then don’t worry. I’m all yours. Don’t ever doubt it.”

He thumbed the smooth expanse of Kyungsoo’s damp cheek, watching how Kyungsoo leaned to his touch. “We can both teach and learn each other. We can always try. That’s how relationship works.”

Kyungsoo blinked and rested his head against his boyfriend’s chest silently before wrapping his arms around the younger’s torso. Jongin was hesitant when he patted the smaller’s head then enveloped him into an embrace. He thanked Kyungsoo quietly for believing in him. Kyungsoo hummed.

“Losing you is my biggest fear.”

Kyungsoo’s sigh muffled against Jongin’s shirt, “me too, idiot. Me too.”

Jongin grinned as he lifted Kyungsoo’s head with a finger under his chin. He leaned down but stopped before their lips touched. “Is it bad that I really want to kiss you right now?”

“No.”

Kyungsoo placed his hand on the back of Jongin’s head and kissed him deeply. Jongin tasted tears on Kyungsoo’s tongue and he swore he didn’t want this to happen again.

The curtain of rain passed over with silent hum and together they laid side by side with fingers entangled before Morpheus took them away.

They had flaws. They had imperfections. Those made them human.

No one was perfect but maybe that’s what made them perfect for each other.

**Day 181**

Time flew so fast that it was almost half a year since Jongin stepped inside Dandanie Blooms for the first time and met a man who was his boyfriend now. 

Jongin fixed his gaze on Kyungsoo who was busy choosing clothes from a rack, his heart swollen with overflowing love as the object of his affection mumbled under his breath and sometimes hummed a tune after finding a perfect shirt. Jongin chuckled at the sight.

He’s been thinking of inviting his boyfriend to move into his house. Although practically Kyungsoo had been living with him since they dated, and Kyungsoo’s stuffs were also had their own place in his house, Jongin still felt it was right for Kyungsoo to move in completely.

“Which one is better? Blue or red?”

Kyungsoo showed him two shirts with the exact same design, but different colours. Jongin cocked his eyebrow but didn’t question the choice.

“Blue, I guess?” Jongin answered distractedly. His head was buzzed with many thoughts of asking Kyungsoo to move in with him however at the same time he didn’t want his boyfriend to see him as a clingy lover. Jongin threw his gaze to the floral pattern on the shirt and grin mindlessly.

Kyungsoo looked stunning in any clothes anyway.

“Hmm but I like the red one better.” Kyungsoo giggled and put the red shirt in the basket while avoiding Jongin’s fingers from tickling his waist. Jongin pouted, “Then why are you asking me.” 

“You are distracted, Jongin. Care to share why with me?”

Jongin stared at his curious boyfriend in amazement. He wondered how Kyungsoo could understand him so much. He just took one look and immediately knew what’s in his mind. No words needed.

“I know this is a lot to take in, but do you want to move in with me?”

He was ready to see Kyungsoo’s shocked expression, and then he would laugh it off like it’s nothing before petting Jongin’s head and telling him that it was too early.

But Kyungsoo did no such things.

“Are you sure? I mean I’m fine with that but you have to know that it's a really big step in a relationship.”

Jongin inhaled deeply and placed his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “I’ve been thinking about it and I really want to take that big step with you.”

“Thanks, Jongin,” Kyungsoo left a soft peck on Jongin’s cheek and walked away to the pants section. “But you'll have to carry all my stuff on your own!”

“Not fair.” Jongin whined but followed Kyungsoo closely from behind with a big grin. Living with Kyungsoo… How wonderful would that be?

*

“Where should I put this box?” Jongin hollered from the living room. Kyungsoo, hearing that, came out of the kitchen and inspected the inside of said box. He bit his bottom lip briefly and turned around with a sigh.

“These are my old medical study books. You can keep them in the store room.”

Jongin nodded wordlessly, too tired to even talk. He placed the box along with other big boxes belonging to the both of them before dragging himself to the couch. He stretched and groaned, wondering when the last time he did heavy exercise like this was. Jongin looked around with happiness bubbled inside him because he could spot a little bit of Kyungsoo's touch in his house. It still felt surreal to think that they would live together, in such a domestic setting.

Jongin thought of Kyungsoo’s medical books and frowned. He remembered something. “Oh, how’s your internship application? Any updates on that?”

He understood how important the internship was for Kyungsoo but he didn’t understand why Kyungsoo always avoided questions regarding it like a plague.

“I will probably get the response letter soon.” Kyungsoo said mindlessly and plopped next to Jongin. He curled into Jongin’s warm embrace, letting his body go limp and his head rest on his boyfriend’s chest, Jongin's hand in his and their fingers intertwined.

Jongin hummed, “I’m proud of you, sweetheart,” and kissed Kyungsoo’s forehead. Jongin glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost 9PM.

“Are you hungry?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. He lifted his head and stared into his boyfriend’s eyes. “We forgot something very important.” He said in a serious tone.

“What is it?” Jongin’s mind was racing with possible things they might have forgotten to do in the midst of moving Kyungsoo’s stuff but nothing came to his head.

“We forgot to check whether or not your bed is wide enough for you and me.” He left a lingering kiss on Jongin’s exposed neck and skipped to the room. Jongin’s eyes widened and chased after Kyungsoo before locking the door behind them.

It was no surprise when both of them overslept and Jongin went to work with crumpled shirt because he was in a rush in the morning.

**Day 192**

Domestic life with Kyungsoo was beyond great.

Every single day waking up to Kyungsoo snuggled in his embrace like a baby koala made Jongin feel instantly better but also made him too lazy to go to work. He would've rather watched his boyfriend’s sleeping form, his fluttering eyelashes, the way his brows furrowed, how his nose scrunched and other minor details about Kyungsoo than gone to the office.

“You’re staring.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes were shut but he knew Jongin was doing his morning ritual, which was staring at him until he woke up. His lips tugged upward when Jongin booped his nose playfully.

“Can’t I admire my own boyfriend?”

Kyungsoo stopped working at the flower shop a week before moving in with Jongin which made him responsible for cleaning and maintaining the hygiene of their house while Jongin was at work. Jongin joked about how lucky he was to have a handsome maid working for him for free. Kyungsoo retaliated by stepping on his foot with a smile.

They exchanged cute cheesy texts and random things they experienced like when the potted hydrangeas they planted together started to bloom and Kyungsoo took a picture to send it to Jongin with the caption; our flower child ^^ , and when Jongin had a meeting and he would sneak a selca from under the table, hidden from his colleagues, and send it to Kyungsoo.

From: Jongin  
I’m so bored… TvT

Kyungsoo would laugh and send a bunch of laughing emoticons just to piss Jongin off.

When the clock struck 6PM Jongin would arrive home and Kyungsoo would be waiting for his boyfriend in the living room, greeting him with a chaste kiss and a typical “shower first or dinner first?” like it was a habit. And every time he asked that Jongin would reply “you first” then whine because Kyungsoo would give him a look and shoo him to the bathroom with a towel.

“But if the mood is right we can do it.” Kyungsoo would whisper from behind the bathroom door quietly and scamper to the kitchen before Jongin could open the door.

How cute.

They had dinner, sometimes Kyungsoo cooked other times when he was too tired or lazy they would order pizza or fried chicken. Kyungsoo often voiced out that he was guilty feeding off Jongin’s money while he was unemployed, but Jongin shushed him and admitted he felt happy knowing he could spend his money on Kyungsoo.

When they finished eating Jongin would volunteer to clean the tables and Kyungsoo would do the dishes with no objection. It was funny how naturally they had divided the chores without discussing it. They worked in perfect sync and Jongin wondered if they were really destined to be together.

Jongin peeked into the kitchen and saw Kyungsoo at the sink, washing the cooking utensils while humming to a song he couldn’t identify. He sneaked his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and rested his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Baby.”

“Get off me, Jongin. I’m washing a knife.” Kyungsoo grumbled but didn't seem to mind the intrusion at all. Especially given the way his neck craned when Jongin’s warm breath tickled his bare skin. “I’m serious.”

Jongin chuckled and slipped his fingers under Kyungsoo’s t-shirt to touch his soft skin. “But you’re wearing a white t-shirt now and I know you purposely splashed water on yourself. Do you want to make me suffer?”

Kyungsoo purred, “Maybe?”

Jongin inhaled sharply and turned off the water. “Hey!” Kyungsoo protested and yelped when Jongin listed him off the ground and carried him bridal-style to the bedroom.

“You must finish what you started, baby.”

“Oh, I will.” Kyungsoo licked his lips and reached out to take off Jongin’s glasses. Jongin thought his knees might turn to jelly if Kyungsoo kept acting like this.

**Day 225**

It got colder and before Jongin knew it, the snow had fallen and decorated the streets with fluffy blankets of snow.

Jongin was on his way home, slightly worried because he had gotten no text from Kyungsoo that day. Even after sending numerous texts, Kyungsoo only read them and replied nothing. He was devastated because now that he remembered correctly today was also the day Kyungsoo would receive the email about his internship.

He didn’t know how to react if Kyungsoo was admitted to a hospital far from their house, also probably far from Seoul. Jongin didn’t want to be the anchor that chained Kyungsoo and prevented the older man from reaching for his dream, but Jongin also didn’t want to lose Kyungsoo because he knew he would suck at long distance relationship.

Maybe Kyungsoo wasn't contacting him because he really got a hospital far from the house? What if Kyungsoo left him? Even went to take a drastic measure by breaking off their relationship?

No, no and no. Jongin shook his head silently and calming his own heart, telling himself that Kyungsoo would never do that. His fingers thrummed uneasily on the steering wheel.

He reached home with mixed feelings, hoping for the best for both of them and praying whatever result Kyungsoo got would bring them happiness.

“Kyungsoo?”

His heart thumped erratically when Kyungsoo was not in the living room as per usual. The inside of the house was dark, the curtains were pulled in and Jongin noticed the house was kind of messy. This was not right.

Jongin went to the kitchen, expecting his boyfriend to be busy preparing meals but he saw no one. The lights were off. Even the dishes were left unwashed in the sink. He felt dread creeping inside of him now. Just what the hell was happening?

“Kyungsoo?”

He was beyond worried now, and Jongin swore if Kyungsoo was not in their bedroom he would go insane. He stepped into the room and switched on the lights, relieved when he saw a lump of blanket on the bed which was unmistakably Kyungsoo.

“Baby?” 

A broken sob could be heard and Jongin wasted no time, approaching his boyfriend and pulling down the cover. He could say nothing when Kyungsoo stumbled upon him and pulled him in for a hug. He cried harder when Jongin patted his head softly, asking him what was wrong. It was painful to see his lover broken like this and watching him suffocated with each breath.

“The internship,” he hiccupped, “I failed. Jongin, I fucking failed the internship. I’m a failure, I knew it.” Kyungsoo sobbed, his grip on Jongin’s shirt tightened as he poured his frustration and sadness on Jongin. “They rejected me.”

Jongin had no idea to comfort his crying lover. He only managed to rub soothing circles on Kyungsoo’s quivering back. Jongin pulled away and his heart broke when he saw Kyungsoo’s puffy eyes and red nose. He wiped Kyungsoo’s tears away with his thumb and gave him a soft peck on his eyelid.

“I understand you must feel bad now but believe me you are still the most awesome person I’ve ever met in my life. It is fine, Kyungsoo. I’m still proud of you. You already did your best.” Jongin smiled and leaned down to leave a kiss on Kyungsoo’s nose. “You can always try for next year's intake, right?” Kyungsoo nodded and this time Jongin kissed him on the lips. “Then next year it is.”

Kyungsoo huffed, silently accepting. “Next year it is.”

Jongin opened his arms for a hug and Kyungsoo went for it.

Jongin was Kyungsoo’s anchor. He was there not to chain Kyungsoo down from freedom but to prevent Kyungsoo from falling and drowning in the abyss.

**Day 251**

“This is ridiculous.”

Kyungsoo crossed his arms and pouted. Jongin had really gone too far this time. How dare he tell him to wear this ugly ass Christmas sweater? The colour was hideous (yellow mustard? For fuck’s sake, Jongin!) and the huge writing printed on it also made Kyungsoo red in shame.

Mild One.

Kyungsoo looked at Jongin who was busy taking pictures of them with a polaroid camera and groaned. Wild One. “Really, Jongin?”

Jongin looked down at both of their sweaters and laughed. “Don’t worry. I did this so people wouldn’t know you’re the wild one in this relationship. He winked and shot finger guns at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. That’s not my point, he thought but decided to just play along. He couldn’t ruin Jongin’s cheerful vibe today. A soft smile etched on his face. “Idiot.”

Jongin put his camera on the coffee table and sat on the couch. “You said they’re coming, right?” Kyungsoo nodded distractedly, “If you don’t want to meet them I can-“

“No I would love to meet them.”

Kyungsoo beamed. Jongin’s heart hammered against his chest at the sight.

The bell rang and they flinched at the sound. “That must be them.” Kyungsoo muttered under his breath and walked to the door to open it. Jongin inhaled deeply and got up to follow Kyungsoo’s steps. 

“Merry Christmas!”

Standing at the door was the man Jongin almost broke the jaw of, Chanyeol, and behind him was a smaller man, probably his fiancé. Their sweaters weren't too bad either; grey with printed puppies on them. The couple smiled warmly at them and Jongin cleared his throat to ease the awkward situation.

“Come in,” he invited the pair inside. Kyungsoo held his hand, affirming Jongin that everything was fine.

Kyungsoo went to the kitchen to set up the table, leaving Jongin with the two men. Chanyeol was the one to start the conversation.

“First of all, I want to say sorry for the misunderstanding. There's nothing between Kyungsoo and I. Plus, I am engaged to this small guy here.” Chanyeol tilted his head at Baekhyun and chuckled when Baekhyun pouted and poked his side.

Jongin was taken aback by how honest and blunt Chanyeol was. He reassured him. “It’s fine. We are good now.” And stronger.

Chanyeol stared at Jongin for a moment before whispering something to Baekhyun. The small guy nodded and left them to join Kyungsoo in the kitchen.

“I think I owe you an explanation.”

Jongin wanted to shook his head. No, this guy didn’t owe him anything but Chanyeol already opened his mouth and spoke, his deep voice filled the small living room.

“Kyungsoo is my friend and Baekhyun is his cousin. We have been with Kyungsoo since childhood and we love him dearly as a friend. We are happy to know Kyungsoo is with you because he's not the type to open his heart easily. His past lover hurt him so much that he didn’t want to be in relationship anymore.” Chanyeol looked up and smiled at Jongin, “But then, you came.”

“Kyungsoo talked a lot about you to us. He told us how nice you are and everything. I didn’t listen to him much because I thought his crush on you would be gone soon.” Chanyeol laughed and missed the way Jongin balled his fists.

“Then you guys become a thing and truth be told I was shocked. I was worried Kyungsoo was going to get hurt again. But I realized his feelings for you are pure and he’s determined to be with you. He whined a lot to Baekhyun how he felt lonely because you seemed to be ignoring him. Later Baekhyun and I were busy with our marriage preparation and when you found us at the shop, Baekhyun was at the back with Yoona choosing the wedding bouquet.”

Jongin’s face was red. He was ashamed and mad at himself for jumping into the conclusion so quick and giving no room for Kyungsoo to explain the situation. If Chanyeol noticed this, he commented nothing on that and continued the narration.

“I saw you leaving Kyungsoo. I saw Kyungsoo breaking down in tears right after you drove away. Baekhyun comforted Kyungsoo while Yoona asked her brother what was happening. What shocked me was that Kyungsoo said nothing about your behaviour. He just left the shop like that and I suspected that he went to your house. He loves you so much he doesn’t want his sister to know about the situation thus blaming everything on you.”

Jongin nodded absentmindedly. He wished Chanyeol would just stop talking, yet a part of him also wanted Chanyeol to tell him everything.

“I’m glad to know both of you are fine now. Kyungsoo is glowing and happier than the last time I saw him so I guess he’s in good hands.” Chanyeol patted Jongin’s shoulder and Jongin’s lips tugged upward in a weak attempt to smile.

“Before I forget,” Chanyeol retrieved a small card from his pocket and handed it to Jongin, “our wedding invitation. I wanted to send the invitation by email but Baekhyun wants to keep everything traditional so, yeah.”

Jongin stared at the card with an unexplainable feeling. Something inside him fluttered at the thought of him and Kyungsoo sending their wedding invitations. Maybe, someday…

“Dinner’s ready.” Kyungsoo came out from the kitchen and at that moment Jongin just wanted to hold him tight and never let go. He had caused Kyungsoo so much pain due to his ignorance and stupidity. Chanyeol could sense the situation and excused himself to the kitchen.

Kyungsoo approached his boyfriend and clasped their hands together. “Why, babe?” 

“Chanyeol told me everything. I feel much worse now.” Jongin pouted and leaned his head against Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“It's all in the past now. No need to dwell on these memories anymore.” He said simply before getting up and pulling Jongin by the arm with him. “Cheer up, it’s Christmas.”

Jongin was dragged into the dining room with Kyungsoo’s hand around his waist and his nose against his. Baekhyun cooed at them and Kyungsoo reluctantly let him go to stop his cousin from teasing him.

He would be dejected at the act but the faint blush on Kyungsoo’s cheeks was just too precious. Jongin knew Kyungsoo was not a big fan of PDA.

They had a nice dinner with Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Both guests cracked jokes and Jongin laughed so hard he forgot the last time he laughed loudly like that. Even the stoic Kyungsoo almost choked on his mashed potatoes after Baekhyun's recalling his proposal experience with Chanyeol.

“And he just told me ‘I gave you the ring! It’s in the cake- oh my god you swallowed the ring!’ and I was panicking because I really thought I did swallow the damn ring. Thank god the waiter ignored this dumbass’ request and chose to put the ring in a box like normal people do when they propose.”

Baekhyun snorted and pinched Chanyeol’s cheek playfully but the taller didn’t even wince. “He even had the gut to claim we were en- gay-ged very loudly in the restaurant.”

Chanyeol ruffled Baekhyun’s hair fondly and spoke softly, “I tried to be romantic and funny. Clearly failed at both.” Baekhyun giggled and kissed his fiancé on the lips, totally forgetting the two men in front of them. “That’s what I love about you, Yeol.”

Kyungsoo beamed lovingly at the pair while Jongin gave a tight-lipped smirk at the PDA shown by them. And no, he was not jealous at all.

Jongin turned around to Kyungsoo and saw how Kyungsoo’s eyes were on the silver band around Baekhyun’s finger, staring at it longingly. Was Kyungsoo thinking the same thing he had been debating?

Jongin dismissed the thought and continued eating but he had lost his appetite.

After the couple went home Jongin wasted no time laying on the bed, not even bothering to change out of his ugly sweater. That was enough socializing for the week. He was drained and needed enough rest tonight to prepare himself for the next day.

Kyungsoo came into the room and whispered softly, “your Christmas gift.”

Jongin’s eyes were wide open at the voice. Shit, he forgot to give Kyungsoo his gift. He got up from the bed and took out a medium-sized box from the wardrobe. Kyungsoo who saw this laughed.

“Isn’t this sweater my Christmas gift?” He gave the younger a smug grin, enjoyed watching the way he was flustered. 

Jongin pouted. “I’m not that evil.” He climbed on the bed and sat in front of the older.

“Here is yours.” Kyungsoo gave him a black box, “I was in a rush and forgot to wrap it.” He bowed his head shyly and Jongin had to kiss him because he looked so cute. “I don’t mind.”

In all honesty even if Kyungsoo had given him nothing, Jongin would've still been happy. Kyungsoo’s presence in his life was the best gift he could ever wish for.

Jongin opened the box and was surprised to hear a sweet melody came out of it. A tiny plastic doll in pink tutu was spinning inside the box, gliding across the mirror and Jongin got carried away by the movement. Something inside him burst.

Kyungsoo spoke softly. “This reminds me of you.”

“Did you buy this while thinking of me?”

The older sighed and cupped both Jongin’s cheeks with his hands. “I’m always thinking of you.” He drew small circle on the skin with the pad of his thumbs. “Whenever you miss me just open this music box and I’ll be there.”

Jongin held the warm hands and kissed every knuckle to show his appreciation. His heart swelled when Kyungsoo’s cheeks were flushed red down to his pale neck.

“Say, what gift do you want from me?” Jongin reached out to ruffle Kyungsoo’s silky hair.

Kyungsoo hummed, finger on his chin as he pretended to think deeply. “Can I have your heart?”

Jongin smiled as he tucked Kyungsoo’s hair behind the ear, “You can’t wish for something you already have.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes shimmered and Jongin felt his chest tighten at the sight. He turned away and revealed his present to Kyungsoo.

“My gift to you is nothing big but-“Jongin didn’t get to go on with his sentence because Kyungsoo was opening the box. Jongin sighed and wouldn’t be surprised if Kyungsoo disliked the gift.

In the box were the photos and selcas Jongin took of them, Polaroid-printed with handwritten dates on each of them. Jongin had asked Sehun and Yixing to help him write the dates because gosh there were like around a hundred photos. Yixing gladly helped him while Sehun demanded a free lunch. Some of them were coloured and some were in black and white tone because he knew Kyungsoo loved that colour scheme.

He never expected Kyungsoo to shed tears because of his gift. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He took Kyungsoo’s hand in his and kissed the back of it softly. Kyungsoo sobbed harder. Jongin scratched his head. Was his gift so bad that it made Kyungsoo sad?

“They are beautiful, Jongin.”

“We are beautiful, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo closed the box and hugged it in his arms. “I appreciate this so much. Thank you, my love.” Jongin froze. Kyungsoo said that word. The L word. He liked the way Kyungsoo said it. He wanted to hear it again.

Kyungsoo didn’t have to be told that. He knew exactly what Jongin wanted to hear.

“I love you, Jongin.”

And that was the best Christmas gift he ever received.

**Day 320**

Flowers bloomed, birds chirped and strands of thin light came from the sky and penetrated the windows.

“How do I look?”

Jongin looked up and was in awe at the wonderful sight in front of him. Kyungsoo was standing at the doorway in a white shirt and a navy blue blazer. His hair dyed in light brown, courtesy of Baekhyun’s persuasive begs, and trimmed nicely to reveal his forehead. The man fidgeted, seemingly worried about what Jongin’s reaction would be.

“You look beautiful.” Jongin gasped, “Maybe we should just stay home?” He got up and approached his boyfriend.

Kyungsoo grinned. “No we should go now if we don’t want to be late.” He fixed the cuffs of his sleeves while trying to ignore the feeling of Jongin’s warm hands on his waist.

“But babe, you’re so gorgeous in this. What if you steal the spotlight at the ceremony? Poor grooms don’t stand a chance against you.”

“Their eyes may be on me but mine will always be on you.” Kyungsoo grabbed the lapels of Jongin’s blazer and angled his head to kiss him.

Jongin swore he melted.

*

The wedding was held in a hall and Jongin had to say the couple really went all out with the decoration. Various red and white flowers were hanging from the ceiling, the pillars were decorated with ivory and red roses while the guest tables had vases full of flowers he didn’t even recognize.

The theme was red and white and Jongin thought it reflected the couple really well. Jongin went to take a seat two rows from the altar while Kyungsoo left to look for Baekhyun. The small guy might have needed some words of encouragement from his cousin after all.

Jongin was intrigued but felt also kind of awkward because this was the first wedding he was ever attending and he didn’t know how to act or socialize with the pair’s relatives and friends. The hall buzzed with the guests’ chatter and excitement.

When Kyungsoo came back to sit beside him, Jongin was fast to take his boyfriend’s hand and curl his fingers between the spaces. He didn’t realize his hands were cold until Kyungsoo pointed it out. He must have been too nervous. Kyungsoo tightened his grip, as if telling Jongin he had Kyungsoo with him.

The wedding ceremony ran smoothly, both grooms professed their vows perfectly and when they kissed Jongin saw the happiness radiating from both of them. They were truly made for each other.

“Get ready, guys I’m going to throw this now!”

Baekhyun bounced excitedly with his back facing the guests, prepared to throw the bouquet. Chanyeol who stood at the side could only laugh at his husband’s silly antics.

The bouquet was thrown, hands reaching out to catch it but fate decided it fell on Kyungsoo’s lap.

The married couple whistled, Kyungsoo’s eyes widened and Jongin almost choked on the wine he’d been sipping.

Kyungsoo held the red and white carnations in his hands and winked at Jongin. But the cheeky smirk on his face was completely gone when the bridesmaids (there’s supposed to be no bride in this wedding but Baekhyun demanded bridesmaid anyway, grumbled Chanyeol) appeared and showered Kyungsoo with a basket of flower petals. Jongin thought Kyungsoo and flowers could never be separated. Where there were flowers, there was Kyungsoo too.

“Are you a flower person? Why are there so many flowers on you?” Jongin teased his boyfriend and enjoyed watching the older brushed stray petals in his hair with blushed cheeks.

Before they knew it, it was already dancing time. Chanyeol excused himself from the conversation to drag his husband excitedly to the dance floor to claim the dance floor as theirs. Jongin laughed and turned to Kyungsoo. He got an idea. 

Jongin stretched out a hand for Kyungsoo to take. He flashed a smile and bowed a little. “May I have this dance?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes shone when he lifted his face and stared at Jongin. He took Jongin’s hand and got up from his seat with an amused grin on his face.

“Sure.”

Jongin invited his boyfriend to the dance floor, the older blushing when the guests’ attention was on them. Even Chanyeol and Baekhyun stopped dancing and watched the two with huge smile on their faces.

Kyungsoo glanced at the floor. “I must warn you, I’m really bad at dancing.”

“It’s fine. Just trust me.”

Kyungsoo nodded and let Jongin take his hand and place it on his right shoulder. Jongin’s right hand was placed comfortably on Kyungsoo’s waist and their left hands were clasped together. Jongin intertwined their fingers and started to rock their bodies slowly to the melody.

“See, not so hard, right?” Jongin reassured the older. Kyungsoo sighed dreamily and rested his chin on Jongin’s shoulder, closing his eyes and trusting Jongin to guide both of them on the dance floor.

Everything was perfect.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin pressed his lips against Kyungsoo’s ear and muttered under his breath, “I want to spend nights like this with you for the rest of my life.”

Kyungsoo was quiet and Jongin was worried if he crossed a line between them. But then Kyungsoo kissed him and mouthed his confession against Jongin’s lips.

“I do, too.”

**Day 400**

“If a star fell each time I thought of you, the sky would be empty.”

“That’s so cheesy.”

That night Jongin brought Kyungsoo to the hill where they could observe the breathtaking night sky and watch the scenery of the city from the top. The couple laid side by side on the ground with one hand under their heads and the other standing straight to point at the random stars. The damp grass tickled their napes and bare toes.

“That looks like Orion.”

Kyungsoo laughed and nudged Jongin slightly by the shoulder, “no, idiot that’s not even close.”

Jongin didn’t care. He had no clue about astronomy at all but if Kyungsoo wanted to stargaze with him then he wouldn't think twice to agree.

“Wow, I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my whole life.” Kyungsoo gasped as he excitedly showed Jongin a cluster of stars twinkling above them. His mouth parted in awe at the sight.

Jongin’s eyes never left Kyungsoo. “Neither have I.”

Because as he turned to look at Kyungsoo and saw how his eyes sparkled, like the brightest star in the galaxy, with his smile radiating pure happiness and the tiny moles along his neck resembling a constellation, Jongin knew he didn’t have to look up to the sky when he had his own universe beside him.

Jongin edged his hand closer to Kyungsoo’s ever so slightly and when Jongin’s fingertips brushed against Kyungsoo’s hand the older glanced at him and uncurled his fingers to slip around Jongin’s so the other could feel the warmth of his palm against his. Kyungsoo snuggled closer to Jongin’s chest and sighed.

“Tell me, Jongin.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes were soft as he brushed the hair that fell on Jongin’s forehead. His lips tugged upward when Jongin looked alarmed. “I know something’s bothering you and I'd be happy to listen to you.”

Kyungsoo was never wrong.

The mood was right, everything was right, but was he ready to face a rejection from Kyungsoo? Would Kyungsoo agree? Would Kyungsoo be willing to spend his life with him? Would Kyungsoo say yes?

Kyungsoo said nothing when Jongin took his hand and kissed his fingertips one by one. Jongin stared into Kyungsoo’s eyes and Kyungsoo assumed he knew what was going to happen next.

“Your fingers are pretty, Kyungsoo. But I think I know how to make them prettier.” Jongin murmured in a low voice as he slid a silver band around Kyungsoo’s ring finger.

“I’m-“

“Would you marry me, Do Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo looked at him disbelief then at the ring on his finger, his eyes widened and mouth opened mid-sentence. Jongin tightened his grip around Kyungsoo’s hand while gathering courage to speak up.

“I can’t promise you forever because forever is too good to be true but I can promise you I will love you until my last breath. I will still love you even when our hairs turn white and our legs give up and until the sky falls and the ground splits into two. I will only love you and only you, Kyungsoo.”

Jongin’s ears buzzed in anticipation and his fingers trembled when Kyungsoo inhaled a deep breath and looked down.

“Jongin, I can’t-“

Kyungsoo leaned down and pressed their forehead together, eyes searching Jongin’s lips for a split second before kissing him softly. A drop of warm tear fell on Jongin’s cheek.

“I can’t say no to this.”

**Day 410**

“Is everything packed?”

“Yup.” Jongin showed him his suitcase. 

“Laptop?”

“Check.”

“Briefcase?”

“Double check!”

“A kiss for your fiancé that you’re going to leave for 3 days?”

Jongin cupped Kyungsoo’s face and kissed his pouty lips. “Check!”

“I’m going to miss you a lot.” Kyungsoo said it in a low voice but Jongin could hear the whine.

“I know,” Jongin grazed his knuckles against Kyungsoo’s cheek and gazed at his fiancé fondly. “Being apart doesn’t mean we are going to love each other any less.”

Kyungsoo patted Jongin’s chest softly, his palms radiated heat and seamed through Jongin’s shirt. “I love you.”

Jongin placed his hands on Kyungsoo’s and Jongin couldn’t help but to thumb the silver band around Kyungsoo’s finger.

“I love you more.”

Kyungsoo tip-toed and left a kiss on Jongin’s forehead. “There, have my blessing.”

They looked at each other quietly before breaking into fit of laughter. Oh, Jongin was going to miss his Kyungsoo very much. His sense of humour, pure adorableness and overflowing affection; Jongin wished he could keep them all in his pocket and bring them along.

But obviously he couldn’t, so he settled for a few stolen kisses at the doorway and only stopped when he heard someone clearing their throat behind him.

It was Chanyeol.

“Hate to break this up but you’re going to miss your plane if we don’t go now.” Chanyeol gave an awkward smile and tapped on his wrist to emphasize it. He volunteered to drive Jongin to the airport and Jongin was touched at the effort Chanyeol did to befriend and win his trust.

Jongin rubbed his neck distractedly and booped Kyungsoo’s nose (despite the older’s grumbles) before leaving the house with Chanyeol. He saw Kyungsoo waved at him with a smile and he waved back while comforting himself to not get too emotional. This was their first time being this far apart.

“He’s going to be fine. Baekhyun and I will accompany him.” Chanyeol reassured him from the driver's side. Jongin nodded quietly and only turned to face the front when they drove out of the neighbourhood. His throat dried.

“Everything’s going to be fine.”

Two days passed and Jongin really wanted to go home. Being in Japan was nice, especially when it was spring and all he could see was cherry blossom along the roads, but he wished Kyungsoo was with him to see the wonder together. He tried focusing on the meeting and getting his head into the discussion with the other panellists but the thought of his fiancé alone at home often distracted him.

Of course they exchanged texts and had even had a video call the night before, but those weren’t enough. Although Baekhyun made sure to walk Kyungsoo home at night, Jongin still couldn’t stay calm.

He wasn't sure why his heart beat fast, in unpleasant way, at the thought of Kyungsoo. He didn’t want anything bad to happen to his fiancé but he couldn’t dismiss the thoughts in his head. Jongin licked his lips and looked around the room, looking for an escape, wondering if he could sneak out to talk to Kyungsoo for a few minutes to ease his mind.

Seulgi, who tagged along for the conference, saw the way Jongin’s fingers fidgeted and the uneasy look on his face. “What’s wrong, Mr Kim?” She spoke softly to him, understanding that Jongin might need something.

“I need to-“He needed to listen to Kyungsoo’s voice now, “I need to make a call.”

“Go.” Seulgi told him, “I can cover your place.” She reassured Jongin with a kind smile.

Jongin nodded and immediately got up to leave the room after thanking the lady. He took his phone out and was about to dial Kyungsoo’s number when he got a call from said man. Jongin beamed, the idea of them unknowingly developing telepathic powers was heartwarming to him.

“Kyungsoo!” Jongin greeted his fiancé cheerfully.

But a voice that didn’t belong to Kyungsoo came out from the speaker. “No Jongin- this is me Baekhyun.” He sounded in rush and hurried which made Jongin more anxious. Why did Baekhyun have to call him with Kyungsoo’s phone?

“Why? Where’s Kyungsoo?”

“I’m sorry, Jongin. Kyungsoo- He- He got into an accident. He’s at the hospital now. Jongin-? Jongin are you there?”

Jongin heard nothing after knowing Kyungsoo had gotten into an accident. The phone slipped from his loose grip and dropped on the floor; even the loud crash sound couldn’t be compared to the sound of his own heart cracking at the news. The corners of his eyes were hot and Jongin didn’t give a fuck anymore as he bolted out of the hotel and got into his car.

No.

He bought a one-way ticket and flew back to Korea on that very day. He managed to send a brief message to Seulgi that he couldn’t make it to the event today and to get his belongings from his room. Guilt crept inside him but Seulgi reassured him that she would help.

No. No.

Jongin prayed. He was so desperate that he prayed to any gods up there to help him, help Kyungsoo and save them both from anything bad. He cried, regretting his decision to leave Kyungsoo. This wouldn't have happened if he hadn't attended the stupid trip. If he had stayed home with Kyungsoo his fiancé wouldn't be injured because Jongin would not have let anything hurt his most favourite person.

This is a just a dream. A very bad dream.

Everything was his fault!

His heart pounded madly as he entered the hospital and ran towards the receptionist desk. The lady behind the counter was alarmed when Jongin slammed his fist and demanded an answer.

“Where is he? Where’s my fiancé. I want to meet my Kyungsoo now!” His loud sob attracted a few staffs and patients but he didn’t care. His only focus right now was to go to Kyungsoo and hold him tight before it was too late.

“I have to see him now. I want him safe. My kyungsoo, my one and only love Kyungsoo… Please tell me he is fine.”

The lady eyed him nervously as she tried to calm the aggressive man down. “I’m sorry but the information of our patients is confidential and-“ She startled when Jongin groaned loudly while taking off his glasses harshly. 

“For fuck sake I need to see my fiancé now don’t you hear me?” Jongin snarled at the innocent staff, almost losing control but someone was quick to grab him by the shoulders tightly. He turned around and met with Chanyeol who seemed to be going through a hard time too.

“Damn you, let me go!”

“Please think rationally and be reasonable. We are all sad but you can’t act like this, Jongin.” The tall guy assisted Jongin carefully to one of the seats and gave him time to calm down. However Jongin couldn’t stay put until he saw his lover. He had to make sure Kyungsoo was safe, unharmed and fine. He couldn’t sit here much longer.

“I know this is hard to accept but it's also hard for us. Baekhyun and I… especially Baek, he,” Chanyeol sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, looking more devastated and drained out than Jongin was, “he keeps blaming himself for this. Saying he should have driven Kyungsoo to the store instead of letting he took a cab alone.”

Chanyeol still rambled on while staring blankly at the wall in front of him and Jongin leaned against the chair, almost forgetting he hadn’t eaten anything since he ditched the meeting and flew back home. His head spun and his stomach grumbled lowly but Jongin ignored it. He sighed and turned his head towards Chanyeol who seemed no better than him.

He felt guiltier now for thinking that he was the only one affected. Kyungsoo had a sister he cared for and two best friends he adored that were also as miserable as he was. Jongin hated being selfish.

“…so I told Baek and Yoona to go home first while I was waiting for you here.” Chanyeol’s chatter halted when Jongin asked him quietly, breaking the atmosphere.

“Where’s Kyungsoo?”

**Day 413**

They agreed on white.

Kyungsoo gushed about how perfect their wedding would be with an all-white theme. He wanted to wear a white suit and walk on a path full of white rose petals to the altar where Jongin, in a suit of the same colour, but a different design, would be waiting for him. He dreamed of a three-tier cake with white creamy frosting, a bouquet of white lilies to throw like Baekhyun did during his wedding and white confetti pouring on him as he walked side by side with Jongin towards their horse carriage.

Jongin agreed. Kyungsoo would be the most beautiful man on Earth surrounded by white. He would be the most radiant and blinding in the hall, the most gorgeous and handsome person that Jongin would love and cherish until his last breath. Kyungsoo was his angel, the one and only guardian that lighted up his world and held his hand to comfort him.

And angels did belong in white.

But not this kind of white.

Not the kind of white that brought tears and gave him lost hopes. Heaven also certainly didn’t smell of medicine and antiseptic. There should be choir of harps accompanying Kyungsoo but all Jongin could hear was the steady beep of the life support machine.

Jongin could only see his fiancé through a glass window, watching the weak man on a bed with bandages wrapped on every part of his body, various tubes tangled around him. His heart broke when he saw Kyungsoo’s serene sleeping face because he knew the pain must be unbearable. His Kyungsoo was very strong.

“I spoke with the doctors earlier,” a shaky voice came from beside him. Jongin didn’t have to look at her; it was Yoona. Yoona sniffled quietly and Jongin pretended he didn’t hear it. “They said Kyungsoo will have a hard time. He might never wake up again.”

Yoona sobbed into her hands but Jongin was too petrified to even move a muscle. “What do you mean?” He gritted his teeth. He wished he had heard that wrong.

“Why he won’t wake up?”

“He hit his head pretty bad. His injury is severe and we just- we can only hope for the best, Jongin.” Yoona placed a comforting hand on his shoulder but after sensing how rigid Jongin had become after knowing her brother’s condition, the lady immediately backed off. She understood it was a sensitive subject to Jongin.

“We have to always be ready for any outcome.” Yoona’s last whisper echoed in the quiet hallway. The sound of her heels clicking against the floor made Jongin’s ears ring but they gradually faded away. He appreciated Yoona’s effort and Chanyeol’s help but he couldn’t bring himself to act like he was fine. Not when his fiancé was battling death on the other side.

He placed his hand on the glass, palm flattened against the cool surface, as if telling Kyungsoo to stay strong because he had promised to be by the man’s side no matter what. Jongin sucked in a deep breath and leaned his forehead against the window, willing himself not to shed tears again.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. I should’ve kept you safe beside me. Please wake up.”

But of course Kyungsoo couldn’t hear him.

**Day 420**

A week passed and the doctors finally gave permission for Jongin to go inside the room. Jongin was grateful although he could only stare at Kyungsoo’s comatose form. For him to be in the same space as Kyungsoo was more than enough. He could no longer be separated with his fiancé by the thick glass anymore.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun often came to visit and sometimes brought light meals for Jongin because they knew the man didn’t even think about his wellbeing. Baekhyun apologized, deeply regretting his actions, but Jongin was fast to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault. Chanyeol looked equally as miserable but managed to crack a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

The married couple was worried about Jongin. The man didn’t bother to go to work now, opting to stay with Kyungsoo until visiting hour were over, went home to take a nap and came again on the next day. It was an unhealthy cycle but they didn’t have the heart to tell it to Jongin. They knew the man was suffering too much, on the brink of losing someone he deeply loved, the man he was about to marry.

However, Jongin’s worsening condition made Chanyeol finally snap.

“You should take care of yourself more.”

Jongin, who was about to push the door to Kyungsoo’s ward halted in his steps. He didn’t even lift his head as he muttered dangerously low. “Don’t tell me what to do, Park.”

Chanyeol was taken aback by the hostility but didn’t let it visibly show. The tall guy took a deep breath and huffed. “We care about you. You may think we don’t but we do. I hate watching you torture yourself and isolate yourself from Baek and I. We are always here for you and Kyungsoo.” There was no hint of anger in his voice.

The door knob was cold to the touch as his grip around it tightened. Jongin bit his bottom lip. It was true. He rejected Chanyeol’s sincere help, ignored Baekhyun’s pleading eyes and Yoona’s advice. He didn’t want them to think of him as weak. He didn’t want them to assume he wasn’t capable of protecting Kyungsoo. He didn’t take care of his health properly because Kyungsoo was all he had in his mind. 

What was the point of living when Kyungsoo would soon be waiting for him there?

He shook his head lightly at the dark thought but Chanyeol noticed the small action. He patted Jongin’s arm in a soothing manner. “You can do this. For Kyungsoo.” He said simply before walking away, leaving Jongin with his head throbbing, feeling way more miserable.

Maybe Chanyeol was right. Maybe he could become a much better person.

For Kyungsoo.

**Day 422**

“Hey.” Jongin walked towards the bed and sat on the chair provided next to it. He brought his hand to grasp Kyungsoo’s pale cold hand and kissed it softly. “I miss you.” The words came out easily after saying it every single day.

Because it was true; he never stopped missing Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo didn’t give any response, just like any other days. Only the whirr buzz of the machine and the sound of their breaths filled the room. But Jongin still smiled and fixed his gaze on Kyungsoo’s face. Kyungsoo’s eyes were opened but they were not sparkling like usual. Jongin rubbed the skin at the back of the older’s hand with his thumb, feeling the bump of the prominent veins and bones under his touch.

The doctors had informed him in hushed voice, as if that would make Jongin felt better, telling him that Kyungsoo was aware of his surroundings but stayed unconscious due to the damage on his brain. For now they could only wait for Kyungsoo to either wake up from his comatose state or slowly recover to the next stage. Jongin understood nothing about the medical terms. He only hoped for the best.

“Won’t you wake up for me? Your future husband Kim Jongin? He misses you so much.” Jongin let out a broken sob and buried his face on Kyungsoo’s palm. “I promised you a lot of things. I promised to travel the world with you. I promised you a wedding, Kyungsoo. But I can’t fulfil these promises if you don’t wake up.”

Jongin got up and grazed his knuckles against Kyungsoo’s cheek. He noticed the older got a bit thin after the incident and Jongin’s heart cracked. “Wake up for me so I can feed you all the food you want.” He smiled sadly and leaned down to kiss Kyungsoo’s bandaged forehead.

“I love you, sweetheart.”

**Day 423**

“I bring you cakes!”

Jongin showed the unconscious man a box filled with pastries in his hands. He even drove to the store located a few kilometres far from the office just to buy them. Jongin didn’t mind though.

“They are your favourite, Kyungsoo. I bought you vanilla and strawberry shortcakes. You said you’ve been craving these since forever.” Jongin cackled softly before placing the box on the nightstand and looking at his fiancé for response.

“Kyungsoo?”

Silence.

“I- I can buy something else if you want. How about pizza? Do you want some pizzas? Or maybe pasta? Kimchi- Kimchi spaghetti?”

Jongin pressed his lips into thin line before inhaled deeply. “You don’t want to wake up today? It’s alright. I can wait.”

He patted Kyungsoo’s hand softly, feeling the silver cold against his skin, “I can always wait.”

**Day 424**

“Today’s boring but at least I got a nice client. She’s mid-fifty and wants to file a lawsuit. I didn’t want to take the case because I might get busy handling it. I would have no time to see you then. But Jongdae said I can. He said I’m capable at it. So I took the case.”

Kyungsoo’s face was blank as he stared at the wall in front of him without blinking. There were no squeals and sharp breaths from him like usual whenever Jongin rambled about his job. There were no witty remarks and playful jokes came out of his mouth to tease Jongin like before.

“Kyungsoo?”

Silence.

Jongin gazed longingly at his fiancé before walking out of the room. “I’m waiting,” he said under his breath before closing the door. “I’m here.”

Kyungsoo’s bottom lip quivered but Jongin was not there to see it.

**Day 430**

“Do you remember that time when I told you I used to dance?”

Jongin’s eager eyes scanned Kyungsoo’s face for any reaction but after seeing none his grin faltered and replaced with a small smile.

It was a few days after Kyungsoo moved in when the older found a pair of old and dusty ballet shoes in the store room. Kyungsoo was fuming because he suspected the shoes belonged to some women but Jongin laughed his ass off upon knowing that before telling him that the shoes were, in fact, Jongin’s.

“I was a ballerino, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo pouted as he fiddled with the satin ribbon curiously. “I didn’t know. You never told me.”

“Because you never asked.”

Jongin snickered when Kyungsoo nudged him playfully with his elbow then keeping the shoes in the box again.

He cleared his throat and blinked a few times to stop tearing up before pulling out the pointe shoe from his bag. They were worn out but Jongin had made an effort to clean them properly.

“I’m going to dance for you. Don’t expect a great performance, though. I’m getting old and the last time I did ballet was 5 years ago.” Jongin chuckled lightly while taking off his sneakers before slipping his feet into the ballet shoes.

“Wow this feeling is refreshing.” He exclaimed in a low voice, feeling the familiar material against his skin again after years apart. Jongin used his phone to put on the song he used to play during practice session and placed it together with his glasses on the nightstand.

Jongin inhaled then exhaled slowly. Kyungsoo only stared, unable to move a single muscle but he saw everything. He heard everything.

The music started and Jongin took his place in front of Kyungsoo nervously. This was the first time he ever danced ballet in front of Kyungsoo. He wanted to show his best performance, his best side and his graceful moves.

“So firstly, first position.” He stood with his feet flat on the floor, right heel against left heel and toes pointing outwards to the side equally.

Then he bent his knees while keeping his feet unmoving and stretched his arms. “Plie.” He whispered under his breath before returning back to the original position.

Jongin took a deep breath and recalled what he learned. “Grand jeté.” He jumped with one feet, doing a barely full leg splits in mid-air and land on another feet. Jongin spun once, twice thrice and ended with soubresaut where he straightened his legs and jumped, toes pointed and landing safely on both feet.

“Finally,” Jongin stood on his left leg and lifted his right leg slowly, extending it behind his body while keeping both legs straight. His left arm stretched in front of him, to the window, while his right arm extended to his side, towards his one and only audience, Kyungsoo. “Arabesque.”

He returned to his finishing position and bowed his head, completing his short performance. Jongin was embarrassed because he was used to do ballet for hours but now after a few simple moves he could feel his muscles strained.

There was no applause. There was only a steady beep of the machine connecting to Kyungsoo filled the room that cheering him. Jongin wiped the perspiration on his forehead with his t-shirt sleeve and approached his fiancé.

“How was it, sweetheart? Did you enjoy it?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes glimmered, like fine crystals on a piece of black cloth in the middle of the night. He thought Kyungsoo was tearing up but Jongin blamed the light. Jongin flashed him a tired smile. “I hope you like it.”

He stopped the music and took off the shoes.

The silence was unbearable.

**Day 432**

“Look what I found!”

Jongin exclaimed in a low voice as he showed Kyungsoo a black rectangular plastic box. He grinned and put it on his lap before reaching out to hold his boyfriend’s limp hand.

“Someone I love so much gave this to me as Christmas present. He said to me if I miss him I can open this box and he will come back to me.” His lips tugged upward weakly when Kyungsoo stayed mum with blank expression on his face and empty eyes staring on the wall.

With shaky hands he opened the box and placed it on the nightstand, watching the tiny ballerina spinning to the melodious tune. Jongin’s mind drifted off to the Christmas day, where Kyungsoo shyly showed his gift and admitting that Jongin was always in his mind. His heart clenched as he remembered Kyungsoo’s warm touch lingered on his cheeks.

He rubbed soothing circle on Kyungsoo’s cold palm with his thumb and hummed mindlessly to the tune;

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are grey_

 

Jongin flinched when he sensed a movement and that was when he noticed Kyungsoo’s finger moved. He breathed heavily and assumed he was being delusional but it happened again and this time he saw Kyungsoo’s eyelashes fluttered.

“K- Kyungsoo? Are you there? Can you hear me?” Jongin croaked out as he leaned closer to his lover. His chest tightened when Kyungsoo struggled to let out his voice. He placed his ear near his fiancé’s mouth, his earlobe brushed against Kyungsoo’s chapped lips.

“Jongin…”

“Yes, baby yes. I’m here, Kyungsoo. Jongin is here.”

“Jongin…”

“Kyungsoo I am-“

A loud beep blared from the life support machine startled Jongin. He was caught off guard when the nurses pushed the door and rushed towards Kyungsoo. He felt as if air had been punched out of him when one nurse grabbed him by the arms and brought him out of the room. He struggled against the grip, feeling his knees weakened and his legs gave away as he was getting dragged towards the door.

“No, no, no.”

“Sir, kindly w-“

“No, you can’t take my fiancé away from me. I have to stay by his side. This might be my last chance to see him. Please. Please, I’m begging. I’m begging you to let me be with him.”

“I’m sorry, sir but the patient’s condition isn’t stable now. We need you to wait outside.” The nurse replied curtly before going back into the room, leaving Jongin alone in the quiet hallway.

A single tear rolled down his cheek.

Jongin slumped on the floor, hands on the door and eyes brimmed with unshed tears. He inhaled a deep breath and that was when the floodgate broke, letting the tears running down his face and he choked a sob when he realized that might be the last time he could ever hear Kyungsoo’s voice.

_You never know, dear, how much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away_

**Day 500**

Life was never fair.

That was what all Jongin could think of even after a month had passed by. Jongin didn’t care about the time anymore, or if it was day or night. Each day passed like a blur.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun helped him a lot during those dark times but Jongin couldn’t find the strength to look at them in the eyes. He didn’t need sympathy. He just needed his lover back.

Do Kyungsoo.

But life was never fair.

Kyungsoo left him to go on another journey without him.

And with him, a promise of marriage and a half of Jongin too.

∞

_Every Morn and every Night_  
Some are Born to sweet delight.  
Some are Born to sweet delight,  
Some are Born to Endless Night. 

The sky was dark.

He looked up and saw heavy grey clouds were moving towards him. A cold water droplet hit his face. He flinched and shut his eyes for a second. The moment he opened his eyes he saw people bustling around him, running for cover and opening their umbrellas in hurry.

There were two girls under an umbrella with big smile on their face, an exhausted man in black blazer and a briefcase in his hand and an old lady who was carrying a basket of fruits. They rushed to find shelter, to protect them from the downpour. The sight intrigued him.

The clouds didn’t stop spitting their beads of water and he didn’t bother to avoid them. His hair was wet, water trickling down his face and white shirt stuck to his skin. Ears buzzed with the sound of the rain hitting the pavement but he didn’t budge.

He fixed his gaze to the front and there he was, finally, at the other side of road, waiting for him with a wave of his hand.

And that was the moment he knew, he’s exactly where he wanted to be.

_“Hello, Kyungsoo!”_

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! tbh i'm not satisfied with the ending but i really have no idea to continue it lol writer's block suck but yeah hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> wanna give the biggest applause to the mods for tolerating me and my rants 😭 yall the best!
> 
> p/s: thanks ao3 for wrecking the format. much appreciated. i fucking hate coding.


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